I am a fashion model who models as both male AND female. Every day- I walk an extreme line between both genderworlds in order to maintain my believability and success. Recently, a fan sent me a letter which, amongst many things read:
"Rain-I regret to inform u that Im UNLIKING your page. I really admire what u stood for until u posted about the sexist comicbook illustration. I am not sure if u are aware but sexism does not exist in the USA. Women like urself make men like me feel bad for something that was solved a long time ago. It really is shitty because I feel like men have to bend backward to women in our country to avoid being sexist."
Since I HAVE spent a fair amount of time amongst men, identified as male, and treated as male- I have gotten a secret look into their woes and advantages. I have come to realize a while ago that while we want a better equality for women we have to recognize that there ARE unfair opportunities given to women that men don't get. The nature of these opportunities and the reason they are given perpetuate the standards women hold in the eyes of men and within their own female communities. SEXISM GOES BOTH WAYS FOR SURE "Disgruntled Former Fan".
(Hate to talk in binary gender language right now, but it's the easiest way to do this.)
So- in response to the letter above, I have compiled a list of interesting things that women get that men don't. Maybe women ARE taking over?!
1: FREE CLUB ENTRY
This was the first thing that triggered me to write this article. I went out with my guy friends to a club and found myself getting denied free entry... Shelling out about $50 just to cross over the threshold after great scrutiny about what I was wearing from the bouncer. I knew I couldn't afford that kind of cash every time I wanted to socialize as a regular working joe. I also knew though, as a woman, it was difficult to network about business prospects with other men and high rollers... who sat at tables with bottle service and beautiful women around them. I'm not an ugly woman, but let's face it, I look like a drag queen before I look like a hoochiemama. So in order to overcome this, and gain the maximum benefits, I decided to wear a dress and heels in order to gain free entry into the club as well as into the VIP lounge. But once stamped with VIP ink, and in the lounge, I would promptly change into male attire and return to the VIP section to network as a VIP male. Which gave me more power to speak about business engagements. It was insanely difficult as a man to get ANYWHERE for free!
Women often get free entry- no matter their looks, ethnicity, or financial status. The top clubs in NYC will often let in ANY woman off the street as long as she has an ID. She doesn't need to wait in line and she doesn't need to be on a guest list unless it's a private event... And even then- if the dress is short enough....
Men have to wait in line, pay their way, often times they have to know someone to get in. They must have looks or money to get through the door. It's a difficult process,many times each guy is treated as if they are a bloodthirsty monster lunging at the building trying to fuck every girl inside. But this isn't true... Or it's just as true of women.
People go to clubs to dance, hang out, have sex, and do drugs and alcohol. Period. It's rare to find a tourist admiring architecture and lights inside. The whole, let women in FREE thing perpetuates the idea that they are sex objects because when a man has to buy his way in, it's almost as if the club is saying that the money includes the experience/opp of free women. And that my friends is slaughterhouse prostitution. Pay your way women.
2: CLOTHING VARIETY
Heading into a store with some guy friends to shop, I agonized over the experience prior. I hate shopping and when I go with women to shop for femme clothes it can take hours and I get overloaded with decisions. However, to my surprise our experience only took 30 minutes... Why?
Women just downright have more variety. I know it sounds funny to say and many people are probably staring at this like DUH. But it's true. They have all the classic garments known to be worn such as dresses, skirts, sweaters, capes, turtlenecks, blouses, leggings, socks, heels, boots, belts, earrings, ring rings, watches AND all the "modern" fashions of men too. That means pants, suspenders, sneakers, bow ties, neck ties, collared shirts, tshirts, cuff links and hats of every variety. If a woman wears suspenders, a bowler, bow tie, black pants, and a white collared shirt... As long as she has a streak of lipstick on this will always be considered a sexy choice or a power choice.
Men are limited to just men's fashions. They have pants, suspenders, sneakers, bow ties, neck ties, collared shirts, tshirts, cuff links and hats of every variety. But that's it. A guy friend once expressed to me that he loves the feeling of kilt wares but feels he can't wear them because they are hard to find and women will laugh. In the fashion world there are plenty of femme wares for men... But in the commercial consumer world there's no room for it.
Go to H&M in NYC and there are three floors of women's clothing and one floor divided between men's clothing and baby clothing. No WONDER men don't shop often. I mean- what's there to buy? It's not fair that a man can't find a silky blouse or a skirt or even a dress that they like and buy it without feeling rejected or fearing being treated like there is something wrong with their sexuality. In my opinion just because you are male and like to wear a dress doesn't make you a cross dresser or a tranny any more than a girl wearing pants does. It's JUST clothing. Our version of "fur" in the animal world... And we should be wearing what feels comfortable.
While going into an insurance agency a few years ago to seek car insurance, the secretary thought I was male. She sat me down, got me coffee, and as I asked about rates etc- she handed me various stacks of paperwork with obscene numbers on them. As I gawked at my estimated pay weight, and angel of gender knowledge swept into the room to borrow a pen and asked if I were being treated like a proper lady. The associate handling my inquiry turned bright red and apologized, starting our process over again and before I knew it, my insurance rate was miraculously cut almost in half. One quick slip of the truth that a dick didn't sit in my pants and suddenly they trusted me more. Which lead me to note...
Women typically pay less for insurance. Maybe the statistics of women not putting the pedal to the metal are true, but they aren't true of all women. And the stats that men are more reckless is not true of all men. The fact is that women can pay up to 50% less for insurance on their vehicles- and that's great for women. Who doesn't want a financial break?
But the fact is that men have to pay up to 50% more. And that's not fair. It's discrimination. It's like saying that because a majority of people in prison in Indiana are black, that all black people are criminals. Or that since there is a high strain of aids in the gay community that all gay people will contract it. Or that because the majority of our presidents are white that all white people are trying to take over the world. Anyways- I'm getting carried away.
I'm just saying that insurance companies don't look at people on an individual basis. A man can be the most careful and wonderful driver all his life. My pepere has been driving since cars were made (I think...) and he still drives to this day. He's very careful and hasn't hit any more children than you or I. I think we should run insurance on a merit and demerit system where all people pay equal in the beginning and then pay more as they mess up more. I bet Asians will skyrocket through the roof! (Juuuuuuuust kidding, but see how offensive that was? That's how it feels!)
4: OFF THE BOAT
As a former firefighter, I've been in life or death situations. One time, when my new crew thought I was male, we got stuck in the middle of a blaze with only one copter to transport. Which mean that two of us had to stay on the ground. They had me stay. While at the same time they took the only female firefighter, the female crew leader and an injured crew member. When the copter took off, we knew that there was a chance we could be injured or perhaps even die. And we knew the reason we were left behind first was due to the fact that women, children, and handicapped members' life value came before our own. Since we have "penises" and a potentially higher tolerance for abuse, apparently it's just easier that way.
Seriously during an emergency it's WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST. Fire, tornado, boat sinking, etc men suddenly go down in value. Now this is a Controversial one but let's address it anyways because it's something women get that men don't get. THEIR LIVES. When a boat is sinking, the life rafts are lowered over the side and women and children are urged to usher themselves into the crafts first while the men stand on the boat and potentially drown. This chivalry is great for creating order and dignity with death... And as someone who has huge tits it's great for me.
However, as a guy- this is a difficult one. What it says is that you are not worth saving. That you MUST die for your partner. But what about equality. Why won't a woman place a guy first? We are in the 21st century and nobility can go both ways. If women wants equal knighthood power, they must be able to wield it. It's not fair that during a disaster all men must die. Fathers can be single parents too you know. And there is a HIGH ENOUGH POPULATION OF WOMEN IN THE WORLD TO REPOPULATE... So no need to worry about THAT.
It's cruel and harsh to think about letting anyone die. But if we must, don't let it be because they have a wiggle in their underwear.
5: THE ROCK
I've never proposed to anyone, but I HAVE been denied engagement to a male due to the fact that my partner never could save up enough for a ring. And he was too ashamed to admit it even though I would've accepted just his word. Because in this day and age...
Women get that big shiny high priced ENGAGEMENT RING. Usually thousands of dollars, diamond, gold, silver studded... The ring is the modern equivalent to a dowery. So if things don't work out, at least she has something worth her time.
Any guy who wants to pop the question is expected to produce a ring that says he means it. Very few men have that relief of knowing that she will accept a piece of string... Or the anticipation that they will be receiving a $5k watch. The size and cut of the ring determine essentially the amount of effort he's willing to put into their long term relationship.
But what about HER effort? Seriously how many women propose to men? In this day and age, when women ARENT property and DONT want to be treated as such, why are they still expecting to be paid for? If she can divorce him as easily as he can divorce her, then there must NOT be as many shackles in the relationship as there used be... There must be SOME kind of freedom.
A marriage is an equal investment in this modern time, women AND men can both own homes, cars, be employed, raise kids, have pets, the whole nine yards. So why not START the marriage off on an equal foot by investing in each other equally.
6: MOMMY TIME
I was hired as a private in home caregiver a while back, specifically as a male in order to help a mother with her newborn baby. She needed an extra hand because she was exhausted caring 24/7 for the child. And after a few intense nights where heated discussions erupted between her and her husband about being involved in tach others lives, it came out that the reason they hired a male caregiver was to replace the sense of masculinity that the father would've provided had he received a Paternity leave... Which essentially doesn't exist.
Women get Maternity leave when the baby pops out. Anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months of sweet paid vacation in order to recover and provide adequate care to her newborn poop factory. This is one of the greatest and most humane gifts of the career world... The opportunity to spend the beginning of your child's life in it's presence without fear of losing your job.
Men don't get this opportunity. It's true that they didn't crack their genitals open and spew out a human life. Or that they didn't trudge around for nine months with a turkey sized tummy that demanded to eat every weird thing in sight. But they DID have to deal with the woman who did. (Unless of course he was abroad, they had a surrogate, orrrrr the baby wasn't his and she was good at hiding her Buddha belly).
Anyways, when this beautiful new life comes into his- why doesn't HE get Paternity leave? Doesn't a baby have a right to spend the first bit of it's existence with BOTH parents since they will be making an EQUAL investment in it's future? Men deserve to have paid leave to care for their growing family in an intimate and present way. They deserve to spend the first development stages of wonder in the brilliance of nursing, cooing, and cradling. And the woman deserves to have him with her to share the moment. Neither parent should have to worry about losing their jobs over bringing another being into the world. Parents are EQUAL balancing entities. Period.
I realize through all of these experiences that we live in a world where things aren't as black and white as the first televisions that broadcasted gender role propaganda. This time of LADIES FIRST is coming to a strange standstill in the light of a shifting culture that's even redefining what IS a woman. Binary gender identification, current gender neutral tech jobs, and new priority in lifestyles for survival have lead to an increasingly equalizing community. It's not perfect now, and it may never be. But it's changing. Because people are demanding change.
If we truly want equal rights for men and women, we must demand equal rights for PEOPLE.
And stop this tug of war, team by gender thing. We must see each other as INDIVIDUALS. I must see YOU for you and your definitive actions. And YOU must see ME for me and my definitive actions.
That's when women will truly be free. And men will be too.
(Ps: There's nothing wrong with chivalry, it's most welcomed....by all PEOPLE.)